Heartbreaks + Heartaches

If you’ve caught any of my occasional posts on instagram, you may already be aware that the last few months (more like year) have been rough. Loss after loss is the reason why I decided to take a break from Ka Puhi Mahina. My mind was nowhere near having the energy or spiritual connection needed to run a business. Although, I know how supportive and patient you all are, I still wanted to share an update.

Here’s a little glimpse of what these past few months have been like for me (as well as my family). 

LasT Vegas 

Back in November 2021, is when tutu found out that she had cancer. The months leading up to May 2022 she had been going through multiple chemo treatments which left her feeling sick most days. As we thought the treatments were working, we were excited to go to Las Vegas after her last treatment. In Vegas, tutu asked if I wanted to spend my birthday entering a bingo tournament with her and my papa. It was a three day tournament which included breakfast, lunch, and all you can drink cocktails *wink. The smile on her face while we spent that time together was priceless. Though we were one + two away from 50k, we didn’t win. Just having that time with her and my papa is a real win for me. 

Our trip was nice as we got to spend a lot of time with our family that live in Vegas, but this time around was different. I noticed tutu was in pain, not eating, and nauseous while spending most of her time in her hotel room. Though she always put on a smile and put everyone else first, she was really struggling in pain.

One of the days, we decided to spend the day in the mountains while tutu stayed back to rest. As we were just about to lose reception, I got a phone call that my dog (Molly) had passed away. Freaking out because now I had to make arrangements for someone to help with taking care of my deceased dog, without hesitation, tutu took over that responsibility and told me, “Go have fun, I got it.” 

She was the matriarch of our family.

Home Not-So-Sweet Home

Dreading returning to a place where my precious Molly was no longer, my husband having covid, there was no way we could go over to tutus. (Something we did at least twice a week) When my husband was over his quarantine, I ended up catching covid. During my time in quarantine, tutu was hospitalized and I swear it was the most torturous time not being able to go visit her. The first thing I did when my quarantine finished was visit her. Our family stayed at the hospital everyday from the beginning of visitation hours til the last minute. Staying together, praying together, and talking about how special she was. Until it was time to say goodbye to our tutu. That was the hardest day of my life. Having to say goodbye to the glue that held our family together, a woman full of love, a woman that always made everyone feel safe and secure.

We shed our last tear together on May 28, 2022.

Not a second goes by without you on my mind. 

Questioning Everything

From that point on, my mind had been replaying moments, and coming up with questions I never thought of before. How can someone you love just be gone, like that? Was there something I could’ve done to have more time with her? Is she proud of the woman I’ve become? These were just some of the things that I kept asking myself. 

That is when I told myself I need to have a reading, a medium, someone that can help make sense of it all.

to be continued…